Today is Akiva’s fourth birthday. I wish I could say it was a perfect day, spent in blissful adoration of my delicious boy. But it was not. Ever since we got back from Arizona, he’s been imperious, whiny, and more than usually ungrateful. There have been intermittent sweet moments but not like we’d been lulled into expecting. Having spent the better part of the past week trying to make his life lovely on his birthday, it does not feel good that he didn’t even thank me for the (handmade) present or any of the other birthday frippery I arranged for him. (Cupcakes with dinosaur sprinkles? Come on! Give it up for your old mother!) I know it’s just cause he’s a little kid, and can’t really be expected to behave with couth at this age, but I still feel kind of drained by the whole experience. It doesn’t help that he wakes up at 5 most days (and didn’t fall asleep last night till well after his usual bedtime because he was so excited about his birthday).

I wanted to feel all glowing about remembering his birth and marvelling at what a gem he’s turning out to be. It’s not really there for me today.

I guess anniversaries are silly in a way. Arbitrary. I mean, I know the day will come (and sooner rather than later, if experience is an indication) when I am in love with him again. To want to schedule that feeling to arrive today simply because four years have passed since his birth is a little unrealistic.

Anyway I’ll post pictures sometime when I get a chance. Don’t hold your breath, as we still have a lot of prep work to do for his party on Sunday.


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