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Some thoughts I’ll probably never develop into full posts, sort of the Cliffs Notes on a non-existent book:

  • My in-laws met us in New York last weekend.  They booked us adjoining hotel rooms, and we hung out, ate in restaurants three times a day, walked around the city.  My mother-in-law took Akiva to see the Nutcracker ballet, which he adored.  On the Saturday night, they stayed with the boys so Bill and I could go out to a movie.  (Mmmmmmmm!)  The whole time, the question hung in the air as to who was paying for our hotel room.  We’d made the travel plans before the crasherooski.  The whole time, I worried about every little cent we were spending.  When the $1200 hotel bill got slid under our door, I was devastated.  Between that and the train tickets (we decided at the last minute to take the train on account of the big snowstorm), we could have spent a week or two in Michigan with my family.  It brought up a lot of angry feelings in me, centered around the different ways Bill and I are handling this situation.  I’m worried all the time; he’s acting as if nothing’s changed.  Which one of us is crazy?  And why didn’t he talk about this with his folks, explain that we could only stay one night in that hotel?  Why didn’t he suggest adjoining rooms in Newark?  Why didn’t he tell me (as he did much later, after we were home) that he kept the full trip as a last splurge, something we’d never have the chance to do again?  (Had I known, I’d have taken the $125 South Pacific tickets instead of going to the movies.  The upshot: my in-laws sent us a check, reimbursing the hotel fees.  They thought it had all been decided in October and they were unaware of my concerns throughout the weekend.
  • Akiva is “becoming a grown-up boy,” (his words).  He likes having conversations now, even with some adults.  Until recently, he’s always hidden behind my leg, but this past Friday he came to synagogue with me and actually answered some of the questions the grown-ups asked him at oneg.  Not only that, he agreed to light the Chanuka candles with me in front of the congregation and say the blessing over the challah.
  • Gideon is increasing his vocabulary tenfold.  Much more than ten, actually.  He seems to add several words each day.  He also has a funny sense of humor.  When I’m changing him and want to snap his onesy, I say, “Stand up!  Be proud!  Say your name…out loud!  Your name is [blank]!”  One time I did that and he was wanting to nurse, so he filled in the blank with, “MILK!”  Akiva and I cracked up, so now he does it every time and waits for the laugh.
  • Bill has an interesting prospect that he’s trying to pursue.  I think it might be a really good one, and I hope it’ll work out.  He got a rejection this week — a rejection he was expecting, but still.  It’s discouraging.  A friend of mine goes to a church that is starting a resume/job-hunt/networking group, and she offered to hook us into that.  It’s funny: our synagogue is trying to start the same, but Bill is squeamish about joining ours.  The one at my friend’s church, though: I think it offers just enough anonymity to help him feel safe.  My husband is a very self-contained person, and it’s hard for him to stop being the one who is always the helper, and not the help-ee.
  • Any other year at this time, we’d normally be in Michigan with my family.  I’m glad we’re keeping busy with visits from friends in order to keep my mind off of how much I’m missing my family.  When we first got back from New York, I was calling home every day.  Now that we’re a little more settled (and the air has cleared about the hotel room, expenses, etc.) I am more content to be here.
  • We’ve seen two of Akiva’s former babysitters this week.  It’s interesting (and gratifying) how much other people think my elder son is the coolest kid ever.  I wonder how Gideon will be…so far, he’s pretty adorable.
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  1. Oh, man, about the hotel and the unanswered questions hanging in the air and the bill under the door and the whole thing. I’m glad it’s been resolved but I sympathize; it’s hard to enjoy yourself when you’re so worried about the cost of it all.

    I understand about Bill having trouble with the new role of someone who needs help rather than someone who primarily gives it. It’s a very humbling experience. I think, however, that being in need can be a real opportunity for spiritual growth. Learning to accept help from others is an important lesson, and I think it makes us better helpers when we’re in the position to do so once again.

    My situation is different from Bill’s, but I speak from my own experience in this area. You’ll have to trust me on this one. 😉

    Sending good vibes to you and your three men. 🙂

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