I haven’t been writing much at all lately. I’m sort of feeling stuck with the writing, as with so many things. I frequently have the feeling of treading water. The days are busy and mainly good, but I scarcely have or take the time to crystallize my thoughts. I brush three sets of teeth, run from one thing to another, pack the snack buckets, get people where they need to be mainly on time, wash the clothes, make soup for sick friends, wash dishes upon dishes upon dishes, hug and kiss the sweet boys. I’m not saying it’s not a good life — far from it! — but it often feels too easy for my creative self to disappear into the background.
In general I am managing the day-to-day stuff pretty well (messy house aside). But sometimes I feel like I’m not all here, like even when I am talking to adults and the kids are not needing my attention (it happens, rarely) I am just not fully present and relaxed. I worry that my kids are going to grow up thinking that adults are these husks of humanity, bent only on task-completion and watch-consulting. I worry that the adults I talk to can’t find or feel who I am because some core essence is missing in action. I worry that this baseline stressiness is going to start feeling normal. Maybe it already has.