Yesterday I found myself lost.  Not geographically but (ugh) existentially.

At my church job, I sat in the choir loft (alto section, hmpf) and listened to one of the more experienced priests — a man who every week brings deeper meaning to the word doddering — intone his homily, and I thought, Nope, this is not where I belong.

In the early afternoon, we were invited to a party at the home of some friends, a wonderful family.  They always throw great parties with plentiful, delicious food and cheerful company.  I was in a sour mood, disengaged, and I thought, Nope, this is not where I belong.

The Temple sisterhood organized an outing for a selection from the Boston Jewish Film Festival at a theatre close to my home, and I booked a ticket.  Many of them were going to tea afterward at the Sri Lankan teahouse around the corner, but I didn’t even entertain the notion of dropping the eighteen bucks, on top of the price of the movie ticket.  The movie, Camera Obscura, was stunning, but the theatre was already quite full when I arrived and I didn’t see anyone I knew.  I ended up sitting alone, and while I thoroughly enjoyed the film itself, I thought, Nope, this is not where I belong.

I sometimes go through these periods where I feel like I’m not quite synching up with the world around me, like I’m waiting at the wrong track for my train and wondering why the hell it hasn’t arrived yet.


One thought on “Lost

  1. HmDean

    I hear you, sister. And I think, as much as periods like this are not fun, there is value in slogging through them so you can pick up what they have to teach you. Hopefully, you get to learn about where you belong by finding out where you don’t belong. Of course, it’s possible that you only get to learn that sometimes, nothing is right for long stretches, and you just have to take as many baths and walks as possible until it passes. Which is useful information to have for next time.

    Sometimes, as much as it pains me to admit it, watching long stretches of “America’s Next Top Model” kicks me out of a funk. But other times, there’s nothing to be done. Like I said, I hear you on this one, loud and clear.

    Sorry about the alto thing, kid. Sheesh.

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